I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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