I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize