He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
