Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just puked most of my soul out..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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