What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
