Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
