hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
