making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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