I can tuck mytits in my pants
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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