Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
