Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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