I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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