next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
