she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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