loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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