I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize