If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
