Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
