Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
