Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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