O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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