The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
