I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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