I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
