dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize