Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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