"it" just moved
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
