just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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