i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
