these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
