We're facebook friends in real life
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
