the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
