I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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