I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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