I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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