i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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