me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize