My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
