I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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