Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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