it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
