It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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