Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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