i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize