You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
