What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Im part way to drunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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