butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
