The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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