people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize