JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
