MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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