3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
