Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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