I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
