You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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