The maid of honor just puked.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize