Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
