i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
