So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
