You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
