we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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