Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
