On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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