I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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