i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
