drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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