Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
