My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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