So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
