Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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