Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
