What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
