More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
