Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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