It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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