wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize