Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
