I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
