yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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