There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
