I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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