i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
