we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
