considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize