He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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