Where did you get a picture of my penis
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
