just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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