the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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