i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
