my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
