How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize