So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
