considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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