yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
