I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
