Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
