my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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