I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
my poor anus
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
