Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
