well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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