i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
