6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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