She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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