Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
