do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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