wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
