i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
