the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
