this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
