dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
